I grew up in the ‘60s in rural Wisconsin, before Internet, before Netflix, before cell phones. My main source of information about California was The Beach Boys and their song “California Girls,” – The Beach Boys and my Aunt Elenora. She was from the same city as The Beach Boys, so my sources about California seem reliable.

Aunt Elenora was as exotic as California photos. She could have been my mom’s twin if not for the 3-year age difference, but Aunt Elenora had an accent. She spoke different. And she talked about palm trees, beaches and stuff I never saw. She visited only in hot July, when to her the Midwest weather was tolerable. She lived in a city.

When we were kids, mom’s sisters would often visit and we cousins played games. One year Aunt Elenora brought a friend from California. Being a youngster, I did not much notice and ran off to play touch football with cousins. In time, school sports and teen disinterest meant fewer family gatherings. Aunt Elenora’s visits became less frequent.

In 1997, my Aunt Elenora passed away. I was invited to lead a memorial service for the Wisconsin relatives and friends. I then learned that Aunt Elenora had a “special friend” with whom she lived her entire adult life. They fell in love in high school, but small town culture of the time made it difficult for women in love. Together they moved to Los Angeles and made a life.

Mom always spoke with fondness of Aunt Elenora and they often shared letters. But mom never mentioned Aunt Elenora’s partner. I don’t think she disapproved; I think she just did not have the words to describe the happiness of her sister and spouse. I have an aunt I never knew, my Aunt Elenora’s wife. There is a part of my family missing. There is a person who belongs in my family tree who does not appear. I wonder who is this person who made my aunt’s life so blessed.

Is there a hole in your family, someone missing because of social conventions?

– Pastor Chris